View Full Version : Help me just let this deal go...

01-01-2012, 05:21 PM
First off. Happy New Year all!

I just went through a time payment/partial trade experience that I wanted some comments on, and to vent a little. And I did check feedback before entering in this deal.

I had a conga line of Breyer Ideal QHs for sale on MHSP. I had an interested party who asked for time payments. I've never done time payments but I went ahead with them. The deal ended up with 2 time payments and a partial trade. I was to send a portion of the Ideal Breyers after the first time payment and trade part were received. I was to send the last lot of Ideals after the last payment.

Well, communication was very difficult do to the other half's spam filter (or so I was told). The first payment came through easy and pretty much on time. The trade portion took an extra 2 weeks, as a result of the post office (or so I was told). The final time payment was delayed 2 weeks, twice do to problems on the buyers behalf. The final due date came and went. Due to a death in her family she had over-drafted her accounts and wasn't able to pay. Plus she stated that she had some of the models of the last grouping that I was due to send her. I offered to delay the final payment for her but she didn't take me up on that offer. Needless to say the final portion of the trade was void and we both walked away. We both walked away pretty much even. I really did want the whole conga line to go together. I still have all the paperwork for the horses I sent her as I was going to send it with the last lot.

I am one of those people who must work at letting things go. I am not angry about the events but rather annoyed. So I check her vendor ads every once in a while (this deal officially went south on December 19th) and saw that she has sold some expensive items since. That doesn't bother me as we already called the deal off. But the fact that she has had want ads up for the duration and still currently does bothers me a little.

When I told the buyer that I was going to leave feedback she came back at me hasty, the only time she was ever like this. I felt bad about the death in her family and did not want to be an evil person but it wasn't my fault at all. Even though she left the taste of guilt in my mouth. I also haven't bought anything in a while because of this event.

Regardless the deal is over and we both walked away. So why am I still bitter towards it and worse yet towards the hobby? I know there are worse things in life than this tiny event, but why can't I let it go? How do you let things go?

Sorry this was so long and thanks for reading.

01-01-2012, 05:57 PM
Hi there - we have specific rules (http://www.modelhorseblab.com/forums/faq.php?faq=forumusage#faq_ttb) for some forums, and the Transactions Board happens to be one of them. Please put your complete first and last name in this thread, ASAP. Thanks!

01-01-2012, 06:06 PM
Jen Taylor-Winkler

01-01-2012, 06:11 PM
Thank you!

01-01-2012, 06:42 PM
Rolling this over in my head (I'm working right now as it happens :(), here's my two cents:

1) It's annoying when people don't live up to commitments. But if you don't sustain any actual loss, it's not productive to keep worrying about it. It's keeping you from enjoying other things, and therefore, you're depriving yourself, over items that no longer interested you enough to keep. Is this really how you want to spend your precious personal time? Naw. :)

2) You've detached yourself enough from this group of items to sell it, and yet you're still attached to the idea of them staying together. If you are in the former position, there is no sensible reason to adopt the latter position. Make sure you are always connecting the one concept with the other in your head, and ask yourself why you care, anymore.

3) I understand that it's doubly annoying when the excuse for not meeting the commitment appears to have been false. But let's look at what is likely to be the specific truth, and see if it is really worth your bother. This lady simply lost interest in purchasing the remainder, and has put her priorities elsewhere. While it makes no sense to you that she wouldn't want the complete conga, it definitely makes sense to her. She's trying not to get into an argument with you over her priorities, so she tells you it's a money issue. Would honesty have been preferable? Definitely. But her motives are not exactly diabolical either.

I could spend a lot of time sympathizing with you and analyzing where she went wrong, but if the point is to get over it, that sort of thing won't do it. Hope this helps, and Happy New Year! :)

01-01-2012, 07:25 PM
Would you leave feedback on her? She has good feedback thus far. If I would have known she would not go through with the deal I would have never set up time payments. But I've never left bad feedback on anyone (never had a reason) and it rattles my nerves to do so.

Sweet Defense
01-01-2012, 07:34 PM
Why leave any feedback at all? Sure, if this is a consistent pattern with the person, then do, otherwise, just forget about it. Put her on your personal list of people not to deal with if you'd like, otherwise, don't worry about it.

01-01-2012, 07:40 PM
I am a bad person to ask because I don't think I've ever had to do it. I had a guy crap out on time-pays, and then end up purchasing the horse anyway after I told him I'd keep the deposit (he's not in the hobby anymore). So I ended up getting the deposit plus the full purchase price, lol. That's the closest I ever got.

I can tell you what most people would say. They'd say do it. Especially if you are going to have trouble moving the remainder, because it's not a complete set anymore. Theoretically "lighting" shouldn't be about retribution, but I think that people are more reluctant to do it when they have not suffered any prejudice from the other person's mistake.

01-02-2012, 08:30 AM
Had something similar but not with a conga just one person wanted to buy a number of models in time payments. She paid some part of the total then told me she couldn't pay anymore because of vet bills. I send her the models she paid for and relisted the remaining models. Might very well be true about the death in this buyers family and that she may has less money to buy models she already has. And once the groupp is sold there is no guarantee that they won't get seperated the minute they arrive at the buyers place and it's not that models have any kind of "feelings" anyway... I'd just move on , sell the rest to someone else

Ulla Harneit