How to Survive the Ninja Cat
Written by Yours Truly
Do you enjoy the company of a cat? Of course. Those of us who have one do. The purring, the playfulness. However, it's important to arm yourself against your kitties inner ninja. The following steps have been meticulously designed by experts to assist you during this time of crisis.
Step 1 Make it a habit to use your peripheral vision. A paw is always the first sign of the ninja cat.
Step 2 Do not panic. Realize that he has the upper hand (paw) on you... literally. Also realize that your cat has discovered the high places in your home. Maybe you should re-visit that idea you had last year to rearrange some furniture, but don't worry about that now. Focus.
Step 3 Prepare for the evil eye. Its inevitable. Understand that he is formulating his plan. Maybe a swat to the face, claws in the ponytail, a mad launch across your path. Or consider maybe he is the clumsy type and will fall on top of you. All cats are different. You can help yourself by being prepared.
Note Please don't stare too long. You'll be sucked in.
Step 4 You've seen him. He quickly looks away. The window. Theres a bird out there! Please DO NOT make the mistake of thinking he has lost interest in you when this happens. Your life may count on this.
Step 5 He's noticed you again? He seems different now? You've seen him. Your looking right at him. He's busted, right? Wrong. Make yourself ignorant to his cuteness. The round face. The pointy ears. The cute whiskers. This is not the fluffy fat cat you know and cuddle. This is ninja cat! You are immune! Be strong!
Step 6 Change direction, and walk away. He'll be instantly disappointed. Ninja cat is only interested in a challenge. Your kitty will reboot to his original format and will seek you out for prompt cuddling.
Step 7 Do not be fooled by that face. He is already plotting his next attack.
I hope these survival tips will help you when you encounter the ninja cat!
Disclaimer : No humans were injured during the making of this production.
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