Recollections of the NPOD

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NOTE: This is a dramatized, fictionalized version of what could happen to a model horse enthusiast in the Ninja Pit of Death.

My t-shirt read "I'll Stop Collecting When I'm Dead". As it turns out, that may have happened far sooner than I expected, all thanks to the Ninja Pit.

What started out as an ordinary Breyerfest took a terrible turn for the worse. I remember lining up at 2 a.m., hopefully to be in the first group in. I remember strategizing how to get what I wanted, and what I was looking for. I thought I was ready.

But nothing could prepare me for what happened at 9:30 a.m., when the Breyer executives decided to let us all in at once- 4,000 Breyer fans crammed into the Covered Arena.

After that, I only have fragments of memories...;

Of sitting on a woman and beating her with the last Escondido
Of holding a Weather Girl hostage and threatening to snap her leg off if anyone tried to grab her
Of grabbing the whole box of Alborozos and running
Of joining a horde of people trying to rip a CC Shuffle bag containing an unknown model from a Breyer salesperson
Of someone brandishing a pair of lamb shears at me to tempt away a Silverado
Of a fellow Blabber's hair getting cut off by the aforementioned lamb shears
Of when someone had the bright idea to commandeer a forklift
Of when a couple of YouTubers formed a hit team
Of a person using Tommie Turvey and Pokerjoe as a diversion
Of lying on the Arena floor, cradling a battered Breyer box
And of being strapped to a gurney and carried off to the hospital along with 654 other injured Breyer collectors.

The whole thing aired on the 6 o'clock news, with psychologists trying to explain the "Collection Phenomenon", and later I saw all the YouTubers' triumphant videos sharing their respective loot and congratulating each other on the idea to form a gang.

It was something I'd never witnessed and never will see again. People called it the new Black Friday, but after the government banned BreyerFest and all events like it, I could only think of one thing:

[I]I wish I had thought to grab the lamb shears.[/I]​


  1. kcpkaptivating's Avatar
  2. MadHatterDA's Avatar
    Snorted with laughter and woke up the household. Whoops!
  3. PennsylvaniaDust's Avatar
    :laffThat has to be the best "Model Horse Frenzy" story I've ever heard!
  4. Equus of Antiquity's Avatar
    @ the forklift...great read!
  5. Brenda's Avatar
    that was great
  6. TwoFatShetlands's Avatar
    :roflmao Great!