Strapless

Recollections of the NPOD

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NOTE: This is a dramatized, fictionalized version of what could happen to a model horse enthusiast in the Ninja Pit of Death.
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My t-shirt read "I'll Stop Collecting When I'm Dead". As it turns out, that may have happened far sooner than I expected, all thanks to the Ninja Pit.

What started out as an ordinary Breyerfest took a terrible turn for the worse. I remember lining up at 2 a.m., hopefully to be in the first group in. I remember strategizing how to get what I wanted, and what I was looking for. I thought I was ready.

But nothing could prepare me for what happened at 9:30 a.m., when the Breyer executives decided to let us all in at once- 4,000 Breyer fans crammed into the Covered Arena.

After that, I only have fragments of memories...;

Of sitting on a woman and beating her with the last Escondido
Of holding a Weather Girl hostage and threatening to snap her leg off if anyone tried to grab her
Of grabbing the whole box of Alborozos and running
Of joining a horde of people trying to rip a CC Shuffle bag containing an unknown model from a Breyer salesperson
Of someone brandishing a pair of lamb shears at me to tempt away a Silverado
Of a fellow Blabber's hair getting cut off by the aforementioned lamb shears
Of when someone had the bright idea to commandeer a forklift
Of when a couple of YouTubers formed a hit team
Of a person using Tommie Turvey and Pokerjoe as a diversion
Of lying on the Arena floor, cradling a battered Breyer box
And of being strapped to a gurney and carried off to the hospital along with 654 other injured Breyer collectors.

The whole thing aired on the 6 o'clock news, with psychologists trying to explain the "Collection Phenomenon", and later I saw all the YouTubers' triumphant videos sharing their respective loot and congratulating each other on the idea to form a gang.

It was something I'd never witnessed and never will see again. People called it the new Black Friday, but after the government banned BreyerFest and all events like it, I could only think of one thing:

[I]I wish I had thought to grab the lamb shears.[/I]​

Comments

  1. kcpkaptivating's Avatar
    DYING OF LAUGHTER, BE RIGHT BACK.
  2. MadHatterDA's Avatar
    Snorted with laughter and woke up the household. Whoops!
  3. PennsylvaniaDust's Avatar
    That has to be the best "Model Horse Frenzy" story I've ever heard!
  4. Equus of Antiquity's Avatar
    @ the forklift...great read!
  5. Brenda's Avatar
    that was great
  6. TwoFatShetlands's Avatar
    :roflmao Great!