• The 12 step program for model horse addicts

    This is the 12 step program translated (or rewritten) for the model horse collector. I placed these steps in a Blab article to preserve the humor for all to enjoy at any time.

    • Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable

    Translation: We admit that any equine form, usually bearing the definition of “model” under the name of Breyer or Stone (and any other sundry name, clinky, or resin artist) will send our lives into an express tailspin of slobbering covetousness.

    • Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

    Translation: We believe that only a power greater than the International Debt or the Apocalypse can stop us from our appointed calling to collect model horses. Sanity is not an option.

    • Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God

    Translation: God made horses. Horses are the desire God put in our veins. We cannot deny God’s calling. Therefore, we must collect model horses.

    • Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves

    Translation: We constantly take inventory of the missing editions in our conga lines, the ideal models for our show strings, and a detailed list of horses to ask for gifts at Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, graduations, Easter, bar mitzvahs, St. Patrick’s Day, Valentine’s Day, etc.

    • Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs

    Translation: We admit that sometimes our purchases are impulsive, later to discover we don’t like the Breyer Khemosabi mold or the Stone rearing stallion. We confess our greedy regret to other model horse hobbyists and try to purge these ugly bastards from our pristine herds.

    • Step 6We’re entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character

    Translation: We are ready for God to sharpen our eyes and focus our minds to the importance of our chosen conga lines, OF mint conditions, or anatomically superb conformation, ignoring new colors on crappy molds and scrutinizing new editions before we waste our monies on the flavor-of-the-month.

    • Step 7 - Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings

    Translation: We ask God to give us stamina for the 3AM shill-bidding deadline on ebay, the shrewd moves to maneuver through the Ninja Pit of Death at Breyerfest, or an eternal encyclopedic memory of Stone SRs and OOAKs while browsing their warehouse sale.

    • Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all

    Translation: We ask forgiveness for the little girl we bilked out of a raffle horse with a MLP, the grandma we traded a scuffed palomino FAS for a mint Wedgwood fighting stallion, the nameless fellow we crippled in the Ninja Pit of Death, our husbands/boyfriends/fathers who by midnight on the third day of Breyerfest reached a numbed state of concurrence to allow us to spend our annual mortgage budget at the Holiday Inn North... Sorry.

    • Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others

    Translation: We said we’re sorry.

    • Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it

    Translation: Really, we’re sorry. Hey - conga line alert! The mid-year releases came out on June 1st.

    • Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out

    Translation: We know God's will - see step 3. We pray for a better Arabian model in motion, the end of Chinese fish-scale dapples, and the return of 1960’s sales prices on new horses.

    • Step 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

    Translation: We will try to convert every sister or neighbor, son or daughter, niece or nephew, grandson or granddaughter, until that person’s entire birthday and Christmas list is nothing but model horses and they beg for vacations to Breyerfest, SHCF, and NAN.
    Comments 31 Comments
    1. Prod1gy's Avatar
      Prod1gy -
      I just love this article ! Its full of the undeniable truth....

      My name is Christine ..and i am a model horse-aholic.
    1. breyerhorselover!!'s Avatar
      breyerhorselover!! -
      This is SO funny and yet so true!
      Thanks for the laugh
    1. Mahi's Avatar
      Mahi -
      Step 3. I am all about Step 3.
    1. NatalieK's Avatar
      NatalieK -
      I have reached Step 4.
    1. bassgirl1970's Avatar
      bassgirl1970 -
      ha - love it!!!
    1. limitededitiongal's Avatar
      limitededitiongal -
      Best. Article. EVER. Ive already reached all the steps:P
    1. micamoney's Avatar
      micamoney -
      Oh my gosh, loved this article! It made me literally laugh out loud. I think I need model-horse-aholic conseling.
    1. Wixom Aficionado's Avatar
      Wixom Aficionado -
      This was hilarious!
    1. Beethovens7th's Avatar
      Beethovens7th -
    1. JumperPrincess105's Avatar
      JumperPrincess105 -
      Haha I LOL'D at step 8.
    1. PrincessBreyer's Avatar
      PrincessBreyer -
      LOLAGE! I'm gonna make this into my own book.
    1. cjazzy16's Avatar
      cjazzy16 -
      This made my day!!
    1. minermaniac's Avatar
      minermaniac -

      I can see it now, the open room with a circle of metal folding chairs and a sign reading: MHA Meeting
      *in serious tone*
      Hi, my name is Pam, and I am a model horse addict. I am currently at Step Seven, I have gone a whole 24 hours with no sleep before the BF Open Show and did not need a single drop of coffee.

      I say this gets put into a guide and distributed at major model horse events. Especially Breyerfest's NPOD
    1. bonnieboo12's Avatar
      bonnieboo12 -
      OMG! There actually is a rehab for me. Thankfully! I will start on step 1 right now.
    1. gypsyvannergal's Avatar
      gypsyvannergal -
      I have taped this to my model horse shelf!! Oh so great! I think I have reached step 4
    1. cheshirehorse's Avatar
      cheshirehorse -
      I need to go to a Model Horse-aholics Anonymous meeting.
    1. turbogrrl's Avatar
      turbogrrl -

    1. HorseChick's Avatar
      HorseChick -

      I failed at every step. I need to practice these until I get it right.
    1. ModelHorseHubby's Avatar
      ModelHorseHubby -
      Step 8: AHA! I knew I would find you one day, and make you pay.

      The Fellow you crippled in the NPoD
    1. DooWiki's Avatar
      DooWiki -
      BTW, have you noticed how addition and addiction are so similar - just one little letter.